Planning a wedding is bullshit.. I had to state that for the record. So I got an email from army boy telling me he will be at war for another month or so, which sucks, he gets to spend his birthday w/ a gun..great...In the 6 months he's been away our writing to each other has progressed to a state of honesty we never accomplished in 10 years of talking.
He: finally gets that I'm getting married and he has to understand that and put me back in the friend compartment because I will never be more than that ever again. He's mourned that and had digested it and is at a place of being happy for me because I have found that love that makes you feel absolved of all past sins.
Me: I love that man more than I could admit when I was sleeping with him. Now that love is just of friendship, but there was a time it was more and I couldn't admit to it, and neither could he. I like that we feel like peers again. Before there was too much ego to wade through. And we both spent a good 5 years hurting each other back and forth because no one wanted to be the one to say "I need you" and we were both equally good at the game of hurt. I'm looking forward to the next 10 years because we have an intimacy with each other that makes our friendship strong. Do I respect many of his choices? No! Will I always be around to harp him about it? Yes. For the first time in 10 years I feel close to him again, and it took us not sleeping together to get it.