Lori McKenna - Hardly speaking a word
So I wonder, what do they know? Maybe the problem is me not letting go of a little boy who's smarter than me, Who can't sit still and sees things differently. And I'm yelling when I should be whispering I'm pushing when I should be carrying And I don't understand anything I've heard I should be yelling I love you
But I'm hardly speaking a word


leppy leppy n. A motherless calf in a range herd of cattle. [Western U. S.] I've cried untill my muscles ache. I have an empty womb and shallow sanity at this moment. Your death is forcing me to confront what I was to you. Lover, sister, muse, souless bitch, mother, best friend, drunken whore, alter ego. I was unaware I had the capacity to hurt like this. You looked so still in the casket, I wanted to strip nude and crawl in there and hold you to my breast, offer you half my blood and all of my tears. Instead I just stared at your hands and remembered them on my body, inside of me and you just wept on top of me while whispering that you loved me. So many years, coffee cups, used condoms and ciggarette butts. Your pale body was blue in the darkness and you cupped my face and said you just wanted to kiss me. You handed me your manhood and I failed you. AndyBoy, Vomit, Leppy, but inside me you were Andrew. I could not use a nickname when I was nude in front of you, waiting to be judged and spat at. Instead you would just run your small hands over me w/ baited shallow breath. You were never my dirty little secret, but we were just for us, when wine had taken over and you just wanted to hold me there in the dark w/o saying a word. Now I am supposed to just move on and I don't know how to even begin to pick it all up. It will take me years to figure out what you ment to me and a lifetime to get over you.