There are types of crying. Unfortunatly working at Domestic abuse shelter you learn the types well. The defeated tears are by far the worst. It's a low moan, where they just can't stop sobbing. They are tears of self hate. I can't say or do anything to make it better. I can just let them cry it all out on me. I feel like if I hug them hard enough I can take some of the pain; but I can't.
Some women seemed shocked by my empathy and concern. This 22 year old freaky looking girl w/ the multi coloured hair and crazy make up and belt buckles the size of Texas cares? Sometimes I want to cry with them, but I don't, I can't, I have to be the strong social worker for them.

Sometimes I cry later. Tears for someone I barely know, but I just picture the fear they have, and what they have been though. It does not get to me often, usually only the child molestations get to me b/c I have to ask these graphic questions to the kids. I die inside everytime they point to the spots on the dolls where they were touched. It makes me want to castrate the fuckers who did it to them.

Today was a hard shift. We have 2 cases of intense sexual assault on children. I am not a children's worker, I work w/ the women but if a kid responds well to me I will do their intake. The teens tend to like me b/c I look so young. My new case is an 11 yr old pop punk Avril kinda girl, so I did her intake b/c she likes me b/c in her words "ash is cool, she's like a grown up but she talks to me like she's a kid too"

I actually puked after the intake. In 2 years I have never been sick to my stomach, today I was. This sick bastard was her father, but he treated her like she was a german hooker. And now, I have this man's address in front of mwe and all I want to do is kill him w/ my bare hands. He is out on bail. I spoke to a laywer working the case. He will be in jail for a LONG ASS time.. but still.. I just hate these days.