My memories of anything before grade 10 are inaudible times of my life. 12 - 17 are very obscure years. I like it that way. It makes disassociation quite easy. I don't like the person I was. And drugs helped fry a lot of my memories of those times.


Sex saved me. I found a more socially acceptable addiction. The farter I moved from drugs, the more into sex I got. I found a safe identity in the thing we call fuck. I worked at a sex store, wrote papers on the psychology of sex, slept w/ an assortment of men and women. It had its ups and downs. But I'm a sucker for the drama, for the ability to really be gambling w/ nothing because you can walk away at any second. I never really had to be responsible for anything.


I still worry about it. I love dion w/ everything.. But is the lifestyle just in my blood? I always saw my life in terms of single. Is it all circumstance? What makes us love someone enough for this antediluvian instinct to kick in and make me want to domesticate myself? But I love him so.. I can't see not being with him. I'm still just struggling to find myself