An apology letter to someone who will never read it,
We haven't spoken in awhile now, but I need to burn this bridge. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I used you to massage my ego. I'm sorry you fell in love with me at a time in my life where I was so angry at men and i took a lot of that out on you. I'm sorry we had sex because that fucked everything up, I needed to feel like I was in power and I took your innocent love for me and fucked it up. I'm sorry your so bitter now and grunt everytime someone says my name. i'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you loved me. You thought I was some kind of jaded angel, you fell in love with me no matter how many times my anger reared it's ugly head. Everyone has their first love that really fucked them up, and i'm sick to my stomach because I know i'm that one for you. I'm sorry i wouldn't let you kiss me for the first few months we had sex and then one day i did, it wasn't the sex that sealed our fate, it was that kiss in my driveway on that hot August night.Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the stars and Tom Waits playing on the radio, and then you asked me to dance. i'm sorry that i knew everything about you but I could write a book on the things you didn't know about me. I didn't let you in because I knew I'd hurt you in the long run. That night we spent in the park drinking, talking, having sex for different reasons. I was there for validation, you were there for love. Then I fell in love with greg and you hated me for it. I saw the pain in your eyes when you bumped into him and I at a club, The pain hardened to hate. I have no right to ask forgiveness, I just want to close this. Oh God.. I'm so sorry..
I've still never told anyone, they wouldn't understand..
Ash.
